Susan Roces' (FPJ) Cabinet
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Captain's Log Supplemental Stardate -318534.16
I recieved this via forwared email this afternoon. This was circulated during last year's election on the email and forums. Originally, this was supposed to be FPJ's cabinet. Read on for some laugh trip during in this time of crisis:
Contrary to elitists' perception, Susan Roces is very prepared to lead the nation to GLORY (with out Gloria).
In line with parliamentary tradition, Susan recently formed his "shadow cabinet" (a term used to denote the group of people from the opposition who are well versed in policy development and implementation, and waiting to take over the reigns of government once in power). None of the present roster of presidential wannabes can boast such preparation for governance.
THE SHADOW CABINET
ECONOMIC TEAM - Susan's thrust will be to achieve an ECONOMIC MIRACLE that the country missed in the 80's and 90's. Nobody is better equipped in making this MIRACLE happen than Nora Aunor (Himala). As NEDA Secretary, Sec. Aunor will not draw water from brooks of Kupang (Place of Himala), but would make miracles happen by encouraging people to believe in themselves. According to the future NEDA chief. "Tayo ang gumagawa ng Himala" She will be assisted by Underscretary Madame Auring to guide the government in taking the miraculous path.
Sec. Aunor will be supported by Sec. Pepe Pimentel (Finance) and Sec. Roderick Paulate (Budget and Management). As Finance chief, Sec. Pimentel is well aware of where the "Kwarta" is. And no matter how small revenue collection will be, the public purse will be efficiently handled and kept by Budget Secretary Paulate in his "Bayong" with Undersecretary Amy Perez.
Finally, the Team is completed by Trade and Industry by the tandem of Sec. Mura and Undersecretary Mahal to make sure that the basic commodities are priced right, neither expensive (Mahal) nor cheap (Mura).
SERVICES TEAM - True to his populist color, Susan will give more to those who have less in life. Being allied with the GMA administration, MMDA Chair Bayani Fernando will be replaced by another Bayani, New MMDA Chair Bayani Agbayani. As such he will scrap the Odd-Even scheme and implement a simpler "Ocho-Ocho" traffic program, i.e., no cars in Edsa from 8amto 8pm.
Agriculture Department will be headed by Sec. Vilma Santos to ensure that food supply will be bountiful in all seasons in all regions.
Housing, being the cornerstone of the Susan Roces Administration, will be given to an equally regal and competent person, HLURB Secretary Dolphy. As such, he will ensure that the masses get their deserved homes either along the riles (railroads) or airports. The middle class on the other hand will be helped by Undersecretary Nova Villa.
The National Youth Commission will be headed by German Moreno so that he can help develop the talents of the millions of Filipino Youth. He will be assisted by Commissioners-At-Large Jojo Veloso and Alfie Lorenzo.
Social Welfare portfolio will be given to no less than Sec. Willie Revillame. He will leave his show to prepare for government service. To fund the welfare programs, the young Lucky Manzano will be appointed to the PCSO and PAGCOR.
Finally, the Department of Health will be headed by Dr. Vicky Belo. The projects in line are as follows: Oplan Alis Skin Disease, Tangal taba, and Libreng Lipo sa Masa.
RESOURCES TEAM - Susan Roce's policy is the full development of our resources for the benefit of the people.
Department of Energy will be headed by Sec. Gary Valenciano. No more PPA, just pure energy.
The Environment portfolio will be given to Sec. Chin-Chin Gutierrez and supported by Bureau of Forestry Director Rico J. Puno, Mines and Geosciences Directress Gretchen Barreto, and Undersecretary Jimmy Bondoc.
DEFENSE AND LAW AND ORDER TEAM - Considering the lack of respect the citizens have for the law of the law, Susan will implement the policy of law without fear or favor.
The Defense Department will be given to Sec. Annabel Rama who is feared by the devil himself. If she can handle Ernie Maceda, why not the generals of the AFP. If she can defend Ruffa's integrity despite all her shenanigans, what more the integrity of the national territory.
The Department of Interior will be headed by another fighter, Sec. Mystica who is well aware of the workings of the police after figuring in weekly brawls ever since she entered showbiz. She will be assited by PNP Chief Paquito Diaz, an expert on mobs and thugs.
FOREIGN AFFAIRS TEAM - Susan will continue the current government's constructive engagement. Among the members of the nation's new foreign service are the following Ambassadors:
Africa Union - Susan Africa
Austria - Amy Austria
Brunei Darusalam - Cristina Gonazalez
Colombia - Ace Vergel
Germany - Baron Geisler
Israel - Dick Israel
Jordan - Jordan Herrera
Spain - Gerald Madrid
Romania - David Bunevacz
Russian Federation - Nanette Medved
Turkey - Ruffa Gutierrez-Bektas
United Kingdom - Princess Punzalan
United States - Angelica Jones
The Department of Foreign Affairs will be headed by Sec. Melanie Marquez (Miss International) who is very experienced in "international" relationships.
OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT - Lastly, to manage all the department secretaries, a function of the Executive Secretary, no less than Exec. Sec. Lily Monteverde will "manage" all of them to make sure that they work in line with government policies. If Mother Lily can manage the whole Regal Family (plus Regal Babies), what more the nation's Official Family. She will be assisted by Presidential Management Staff Sec. Lolit Solis, another "talent" manager. To complete the roster of palace officials, the residential Spokesperson's job will be given not to Boy Abunda nor Cristy Fermin as other have speculated, but to the reliable Sec. Rey Pumaloy (Aminin!) to ensure that the government will not hide anything from the public.
*Computer end log*
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